Red, Red Eyes

I'm not sure why it happened. I cannot say what triggered it. But when I started to cry I couldn't stop for a while. And I cried quite violently.

I felt angry, I felt alone. I felt strangely trapped. I felt betrayed, I felt – empty.

And this emptiness was quickly filled by a kind of world-weariness. My mind started spinning around while tears streamed down my cheeks. The salty taste is special.

I thought about my parents and how little time will be left to be shared with them. For some reason I hate the idea that parents witness their children leaving this world.

I thought about all my plants and that they need someone to look after them. They cannot survive on their own, at least not for long.

The only living beings that depend on me: my parents and my plants. An interesting mix, to say the least. And like a wave, I could feel it, running through my body, towards my eyes, and I cried even more.

Something to live for, something to die for. I tried to focus on that, but failed to do so. I could still feel the tears running down my cheeks. It sounds weird to hear yourself sob.

I don't know how long it lasted. I think I don't want to know. Somehow I calmed down.

When I managed to get up and walked around my flat, I passed a mirror. And looking at my face, all I could see were my red eyes. It has been a while.

Maybe it is time. Time to move on. Time to start something new. Time to – get some sleep.

Red eyes. They hurt.