Some Things Just Don't Mix

Those of you who did have a look at my profile at Google or at my bio at Twitter might already know this: I love music. I love to listen to all kinds of music, and if you would like to learn more about it, have a look at my library at last.fm. This one, of course, isn't a complete list, far from it, but it might give you the idea of what I am talking about, and I would be glad to hear about the tracks you would recommend! Yet loving music, for me, is not only about listening to it: I love to make (and write) music, too.

Over the years (the fourth decade of my life is coming to its end already) I had to learn that some things in life just don't mix. While I don't think of that as a bad thing in general, even though it is a continuously growing list, every now and again it is quite a setback for me, especially when it comes to making or writing music. The fact that I rely on technology as some kind of crutch (please pardon the expression) to record my ideas and create stuff, as I never learned to play any of the instruments I use properly, tends to be a challenge of its own.

So, two of the things that just don't mix, at least not for me, are making music and moving. Over the last 12 years I moved about six times, and I really don't like moving. Every new flat brought the inevitable quest for the right space that could be both, the set-up area for my equipment as well as the place where I could do some creative work. While it isn't much of an issue to find some room around the flat where the stuff can be just stored, it is rather difficult to have the instruments in a place where they can be kept in some state of readiness. When I have an idea that feels right, I have to record it immediately, so fiddling around with my keyboards and computer just to get ready to record something isn't the way for me to go, never has been.

Recording the idea is only one aspect. Building something from that idea, finding out whether this would turn out to be a piece of coal or could be turned into a shiny diamond (or something like that), is a completely different story. Building something like a demo can easily take me a couple of hours, more likely even a couple of days. With that in mind, it is quite easy to understand that the place where it all happens should both, feel right itself and make me feel good, too. It usually takes me weeks, sometimes months to find the ideal part of the flat that meets all my needs. Sadly, I find myself more often than not preparing the next move by then, having to start all over again.

Two more things that just don't mix are making music and depressions or burnout. Even though this might sound like a no-brainer, almost everyone has come across stories where artists claim that they have had some of their greatest moments with regard to creative work when they felt down, things were going wrong, or they felt like the odds were completely against them. While I don't intend to question their statements or experiences, I can say that it didn't work for me. Maybe that is one of the differences between a real artist and an amateur, maybe the lack of any (serious) addiction to drugs on my side was keeping me from sharing their experiences.

As a matter of fact, the impact depressions and burnout had (and sometimes still have) on me can be best described as living a life with applied handbreak: it takes forever to get into gear, and it doesn't take much to make it all grind to a halt again. I am pretty sure that a lot of ideas never saw the light of day during the last years just because I didn't feel able to get up, power up the equipment and spend a couple of minutes to record the stuff, mainly because just thinking about it did already exhaust me completely. I am grateful that those days seem to be over, and that (temporary) recovery is only a question of time.

After all, I still love music. As long as this doesn't change, there still is hope, and there might be some fresh demos at some point in the (near) future.

And some things just don't mix.