I think it started at the end of November 2011. The project only lasted two weeks, but it was a very intense experience. I felt reminded of the first start-up I had ever worked for: starting work very early in the morning, coming home very late at night, only to take a shower and fall asleep almost instantly thereafter. No TV, no newspaper - no blogging, (almost) no e-mail, no Twitter. No meeting with or talking to friends.
Strangely I didn't miss any of it for a while. It was almost like going cold turkey, only without signs of withdrawal. While I used to check my e-mail first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed, I developed something like a once-a-day habit. Twitter, I couldn't even be bothered to log in to, not even talking about sending any updates. Blogging? Nah. Leaving the house to meet or pick up the phone to call someone? Didn't come to my mind.
So I started drifting.
I felt like loosing the voluntary electronic chains really brought back some sort of long lost freedom. It is the freedom of choice, the freedom of not being available almost 24/7. I no longer felt the urge to be and stay connected to each and everyone every waking hour. It made me feel good, made me feel light at heart, in a way.
Sadly I had to learn some lessons, too. I had to learn that only few people are ready and willing to accept that there are limits to personal availability. Some gave up on me mostly because I didn't reply to their e-mails within an hour or so. Some turned their back on me because I didn't call them as often as I used to. After all, it was a sad but quite an eye-opening experience.
Still, I am drifting.
I started questioning most of my personal projects. I was and still am wondering about priorities and goals. Yet I am not even sure whether I am on a quest for answers or simply trying to figure out the general direction my life should be heading to. The fact that an uncle of mine died two weeks ago aged 71 wasn't exactly helpful either. Well, maybe it was, in its own special way.
It is warm outside, and the rays of sunshine are piercing through the clouds. Maybe it just isn't the time to make decisions right now. Maybe there is no need to rush things at all. Maybe I should just take the liberty to think things over again. And maybe once more later on. Why not? Maybe the questions are more precious than any of the answers I could come up with.
So I am drifting. And maybe I should stop worrying about it, and start enjoying it instead. Could it be possible that some things are simply not meant to take us anywhere? Each and every new day is a universe of its own, worth traveling trough, discovering, and asking questions.
That said, I am off for a walk.
And drifting.
